Happily ever after?
by KantorVBG
Summary: A kind of weird fairytail, all in the name of humor.


Creative writing Maria Öberg  
06ne

Happy ever after?

A long, long time ago.

In a country far, far away.

There lived a girl.

She wasn't a princess and the sole heir to the kingdom, and neither was she from a rich family _or_ a poor one.

Her father was a farmer and all the family worked at the farm. Their farm wasn't big or small and the family had just the right amount of kids, five of them, where she was the middle one, with two younger sisters and two older brothers.

The whole family was ordinary and in the middle of everything, except for one thing.

The girl was extremely beautiful. Ever since her birth people had mentioned this fact and as the years passed by her beauty only became more enchanting. This led to men, all over the land, decided to at least meet her once. But once was more than enough and every man that saw her face immediately fell deeply in love with her. (Or at least they thought it was love. The fact is that mostly they just saw that good looking face and thought that with a woman like her everybody will be jealous, but oh well, on with the story.)

Therefore she got more marriage proposals than anyone possibly can imagine or read, (many were written down, just to show the sincerity of the proposer) and all through the winter, the family saved a lot of money on wood. (They just burnt the letters instead.)

She even got letters of proposals from princes and dukes, but unlike all those other weak heroines she wasn't impressed. In fact she was irritated. Because every suitor acted the same way. They all talked about what a great beauty she had and how they would spoil her and protect her from all dangers in the big, scary world, which existed outside the little village where she lived and so on. What they didn't know (or bothered to find out) was that this girl had more than her beauty in the package. With an intellect of 200 and superb athletic skills (she was the two time fencing champion in the whole district) she thought that it was very insulting of them to treat her that way and even thought for a while that she would give them an impossible task to get rid of them.(you get the point. If they all die doing the task, sooner or later all suitors would give up, or they would all die.) But since she wasn't a cold hearted witch she disposed the idea quickly  
(even though she thought it through very carefully first.)

As the time passed by and the girl got more and more annoyed over the suitors, a brilliant plan suddenly came to her mind. One day she decided to cut her long hair into the style of a young boy and to venture out into the world to prove for everybody that she more than just a pretty face. In the middle of the night she packed her things, grabbed her father's old sword and disappeared into the darkness. Completely satisfied with herself and her plan she started her long journey to discover the continent, the months passed by and her plan worked perfectly. Not one single man came on to her, but instead…. She was furiously admired and idolized by all of the young girls. She still had the same problem as before, but this time… it was a bit more… problematic. There were no way that she could reveal her true self to all those people and still expecting to be able to travel around alone. And if that wasn't enough, all those men, whose girls were her fans, hated her.

In other words, she had at least one arch enemy in every town. Troubled by this, our main character fled to a neighboring country, which she never had been to before. It was in this country that she for the first time heard about the horrible event that only recently had happened. Ignoring all the small talk, stubborn as she was, it wasn't until a few weeks later that she heard the rumor in whole. The rumor was about their bright and beautiful princess who so bravely sacrificed herself to the cruel dragon so that the people could be safe. Our heroine of the story didn't give a damn about the damsel in distress part of the story, but she thought that the dragon part was very interesting. This was a one in a lifetime chance for her to prove herself.

Driven by her ambition she went to meet the legendary dragon, she went to its lair high up in the snowy, rocky mountains. The battle between them two were even. After hours of sword battle, finding solutions to riddles, it all came down to a final showdown. One round of… Jan-Ken-Pon.

Let's do a close up here, shall we?  
As we already know, she heard the rumor for the first time in a dark, shabby pub. She had just sat down with her order of a glass of milk, (in a _dirty_ glass of course). Sitting there, sipping on her beverage and getting a manly milk moustache at the same time she overheard some men talking. What she concluded was this; princess kidnapped, rescue her, get award.

(it is a proof of geniality, when what she heard was this:

Drunken man #1: "Hick… ya know, the spoiled brat have poof.."  
Drunken man #2: "Really? What ya know"  
Drunken man #1: "And now they, buuuurp… looking for some poor sap to save her"

Drunken man #2: "From what"?  
Drunken man #1: "Ya, know, one of those flying lizards"  
Drunken man #3: "I've heard that you get gold if you pick her up"

When the dust had laid down to rest, only one winner remained, the girl. She brought home the terrified princess to the castle and as it goes in most stories, the king offered the princess and half the kingdom to the girl in reward.

After thinking of the pros and the cons of the deal, she simply just refused and left the kingdom immediately. Leaving a confused court behind, she thought that the time had come for her to return home, because surely would all the suitors be gone by now. So she went home and picked up her daily life, with hardly any signs of her ever being away. There she lived rather happy until the boy next door one early morning confessed his love to her. For the first time in her life she was flustered and shyly she replied with a yes. After that she was really, really happy. At least I think so.

So what about the princess? Well a month after she was rescued, a handsome (but kind of stupid) prince came to the country and saved the princess after that her horse had happened to become limp in the forest. Offered the same reward as the "hero" before, he happily accepted and all things worked out at last.

So did the two couples live happy ever after?

Don't ask me, I don't know.

Because I am not interested in follow-ups or sequels.

But to live happy ever after is kind of hard to do.

Let us just say that they _probably_ lived _mostly_ happy ever after…..

(If they work on it…)

_The end_

3(3) 2010-04-09


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